This is when she realised that the new bride had been relegated to acquaintance and concurrently done the same to her. Then she watched the bridal shower and wedding all unfold before her eyes on social media. Debbie found out through the grapevine that an old “friend” whom she used to spend a lot of time with had gotten engaged.
Funny, many years ago my mother and aunts used to say to me “if you can count all your friends on one hand you are blessed, if you have to use more than one hand you need to relook your definition of the word. “I can count them on one hand”, is what she said. I say chicks to women because the people she now has around her are a reflection of her maturity. What used to be a whole crew of chicks had whittled down to a handful of women. With every year her friendships have reduced in number and changed both in composition and quality. For the past five years she’s been intentionally working on the quality of her life, including the relationships that she keeps. Sometimes with “quality vs quantity”, the numbers allotted to the people and areas in your life say a lot about the quality of each. People use it to track how much you’ve done for them, how much they’ve done for you, how much you have versus them, how much they had and how much they want. “The Number” in relationships can be a precarious thing. Often we refer to people as our friends when really they are just part of our squad, we are fortunate if a good majority of them form our dream team. With every year people get relegated to acquaintance level, some get promoted to legitimate friend, a chosen few ascend to “sister” status and then the rest are voted off the island. If the survival of the human race depended on it and I had to invite friends, it would only be a handful of women who have proven themselves to be Thelma and Louise kind of chicks in my life. Cut to my late thirties, I’m happy to spend my birthday alone, would have a Beyoncé like secret birth and elope should I get married. Ten years ago my list for a birthday party, baby shower, wedding, or any such celebration would be tediously long. You say she’s your friend, but is she really? And do you even like her?Ī woman’s network of friends are supposed to be the people she can lean on in tough times, celebrate with in good times and let loose with when she needs to escape reality.